Incubating is hard work.
Sitting still takes up so much action, so much mental energy.
Moving about the day in hyper speed, ticking off boxes and strike-throughing ICals is a Hawaiian breeze compared to this.
The not much.
The time before the yes and the place after the try.
The space where creative force has room to enter and overcome you if you open the door and let it in.
But what if this empty place means you have stopped for good?
Maybe everything is over for real this time and now you will die?
What if that’s the whole point?
I have a notion that it would be useful to get comfortable with this sensation but I really want to run the fuck in the opposite direction.
I like motion to prove that my life is meaningful.
It’s so scary. Not knowing what to do next.
Not having everything to do next.
Just standing here.
In a cold sweat.
Longing for the sacred call.