The Abundance Train Just Crashed

bam-logoWe all remember The Secret. I got deep into that shit. The idea of manifesting your dreams and creating your own reality is fucking awesome; and in my experience, it sometimes it works; I did rituals by the ocean when I was longing for a mate. I wrote the traits I wanted him to have on a piece of paper and placed it under my mattress for a year- and then I met my husband.

I believe in miracles. I think our thoughts are powerful and the universe is listening and there is truth to “if you want it, it will come.

law-of-attraction-basics-300x300Until it doesn’t.

People who’ve experienced great loss know that life isn’t always this clean and it’s actually dangerous to think it is; because then you are shutting down the critical, intuitive side of your brain and you become sheep.

I was on the book of faces recently and a friend posted this:

“Use whatever excuse you can to vibrate in harmony with those things you’ve been saying you want. And when you do, those things that are a vibrational equivalent flow into your experience in abundance. Not because you deserve it, not because you’ve earned it, but because it’s the natural consequence of the Law of Attraction. That which is like unto itself is drawn.”


This was spoken by the famous entity “Abraham,” who was channeled through Jerry Hicks and then translated by his wife Ester Hicks. These people were the beginning of The Secret movement and wrote the bestseller The Law of Attraction along with many others. Abraham says that we attract what we think about. So, simplified this means that if we think of a gold house, we will manifest it and if we think of cancer, we’ll get that too. They also say it’s an orphan in Dubai’s karma to be poor and it’s our karma in North America to have abundance. Jerry died a few years ago of cancer and the PR team tried to cover it up as a spider bite to not ruin their credibiity and then Esther went on a motivational touring rampage declaring herself to be in direct communication with Buddha, Jesus and God all at the same time.

Even after this egoic train wreck they are still on the bestseller list because the sound bites from Abraham are so seductive and it’s tantalizing to imagine that we are worthy of our greatest desires.

gold toilet

 But what if getting what you want is not the point?

 What if we CAN’T have it all and there ISN’T enough to go around and everything is NOT possible?

I find this incredibly liberating to believe.

I stayed up late one night and did some math to figure out how much we all could have. Granted, this is a really simplified equation but you’ll understand what I’m getting at.

If you take the population of the world at 6.6 billion and divide it by the GDP @ $48 Trillion (this is only including cash and property- not stocks, bonds etc as that’s imaginary money to begin with) you end up with about $7000 US per person or $16,000 US per worker per year.

That’s it. That’s all there is.


Money is not energy, it’s not ever-expanding; it’s printed on paper and stamped on metal and if you have lots of it, someone else doesn’t.


I know it’s inticing to imagine all your dreams coming true and being wealthy but is that the deepest reason you can come up with why we are here?

In some First Nations tribes, if a person begins acquiring too much land and possessions they are considered mentally ill and a shaman is called in to heal them.

Let’s not lie to ourselves about our addiction to wanting more by calling it “abundance.” When I take the concept to a global level it miserably fails. How’re the animals doing? Our oceans? If the more, more, more industry is not working on the macro scale why would more, more, more work for you?

And to everyone out there selling the cult of more, more more; please know that when you tell your students that they can have it all; you are lying to them. And when you tell your clients that they can manifest their wildest dreams, realize that you are inflicting the pain of wanting onto others.

biggest ring

Own it if you want to be rich. Claim it if money is important but don’t hide behind the word abundance, because it’s now just a fancy word for greed.

I’ve changed my thinking around “abundance” since my mom died. I used to think I had a poverty mentality and I needed to work harder at getting comfortable with money. But now, I’m just grateful for the small. Since being gutted, I see clearly the fragility of the earth and how little control I have over my day. I’m dedicated to my path, almost militantly sometimes but I don’t do what I do in hopes of making more money. I do what I do because it fills me to the brim. I’m so fucking abundant it’s hard to bear but this has nothing to do with my bank account.

And this doesn’t mean I don’t want to write a bestseller or for my art reaching millions of people. I just closed a theatre tour that was incredibly successful. We had a sold out run and had to add performances. The media was all over it and I got great reviews and you know what, I made very little money, I paid the babysitter more than I got but it was one still of the most alive months of my life because I didn’t connect my success to a dollar sign.

And this is the key to feeling really liberated.


Just like money isn’t limitless, neither are you.

Nancy Reeves from the University of Victoria BC, is a researcher studying grief. She explains that we don’t have an ever-expanding well of life-force like we all hoped. Instead, we have a certain amount of energy to expend during a day and we need to be aware of how we use it. If too much of it is spent today, you’ll have to compensate for that loss tomorrow (or next year). We are not ever-increasing in our light bodies and we have to respect our natural limits.

Doesn’t this sound incredible to you!? You don’t have to continue at this pace, and in fact, if you do, you will burn out and die. Like money, our life energy is finite and we need to be careful how we spend it.

What a huge fucking relief.

So when you get those feelings of inferiority and inadequacy in the pit of your stomach when bright lights are being shined in your face take it as a warning sign. These lights only lead to wanting more lights and while there is nothing wrong with wanting there is also nothing wrong with never getting either.

In fact, it’s your best chance at being free.

I love pretty nails and lunch dates and vacations. I love me a new pair of yoga jeans. I indulge in all these things once in a while. But that’s what it is- an indulgence. It’s not normal to have a stranger rub my feet and put sparkles on my toenails and I never want it to be. I want treats like this to remain sacred in small quantities; like fine chocolate and port.

I don’t want to pig out on pleasure. I don’t want as much I want. Ya know? Because once I ate a whole pineapple and guess what happened. I puked.


I don’t assume to know why we are here. But I do know that it’s not about being comfortable.

We are not in control of our destinies but we have been very blessed with options.

So I bow down to the great mystery.

And for my little piece, I’m deeply thankful.