Let it go a little messy

If you haven’t noticed by now I’m a spiritual junkie. I’ve been searching since I read my first self-help book when I was 12 called Reviving Ophelia. It was about depression in pre-teens and I was self-diagnosing. I’ve been to a crystal bowl playing hypnotist to connect with my unborn fetus. I’ve travelled 1000’s of miles to meditate under the feet of a Guru I never met. I take “Feminine Treasures” classes to get into my Goddess power. I have swam with motherfucking dolphins. It constantly amazes me that as a cynical down-to-earth woman I’m continuously drawn to the esoteric and I’ll pay a shitload of money for it too. The most recent foray into the unknown was skyping with a woman across the world about my akashic records. The following is a excerpted transcript of our conversation. It’s what I’m working on right now and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life…

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Healer- “Okay Emelia your records are open, and so what happens now is you just uh, ask the questions you have to ask and I’ll give you information as I get it, in whatever form. Sometimes it’s images, so if it’s an image that doesn’t make sense you just ask for clarification or if the answer is too global or incomplete you can keep asking. It’s just a conversation. You can ask anything. Nothing’s off limits. That kind of thing…”

(Long pause…)

Emelia- “I mean…I guess my first, I don’t know if this is starting too general but I’m just really open to if if there is a message right now that my guides are trying to tell me or want me to know that I haven’t been picking up on?”

Healer- “Well they, they, don’t know if you have been picking up on it or not but they absolutely gave me the message of stillness. This is a time to allow youself to be still and to be supported. Just still. Stillness. Yah. So even though. Ya. So even though there is movement…there is movement energetically in you. Lifeforce. The way you create is moving in you. But now’s a time for stillness is what they are saying.”

Emelia- “I guess that’s my main struggle- stillness (laugh).

Healer- “Leave it to your guides to start with that then…it’s no mistake.”

Emelia- “I’m very kind of passionate and very driven and feel quite called- so partly, um, partly I’m looking for clarity about where my creative energy is going. The specific route of where it should be going so I can breathe and say “okay, this is right, I’m on the right path here. I’m not making any mistakes therefore I can be still.” Like I’m wanting to hone in a bit. I’m doing a bit of a spray right now. I’m wanting to hone in on- my purpose? Like, this is the right activity for me…so just chill the fuck out.”

Healer- “So uh, so here’s the best way to ask the question. They best way to ask the question is to be specific to what you are considering- because your guides, what they are saying already is…

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Follow what gives you breathing room.

Follow what, as you are doing it- feels expansive.

Let’s see what else they are saying…”

Emelia- “So guess the specific question is…is the writing the right way to go right now?”

Healer- “They say there is a piece of the writing that is constricting you, that is not letting the energy flow. Let me see what else goes along with that. It’s a YES but it’s a qualified YES. There’s something that needs to go along with the writing. Or some way of being with the writing because what they are showing me is- there is a lid on it. There is a lid on you. It could be the way you schedule it. It could be what you are saying to youself about it. Talk more about what you do. They are just showing a lid right now. Part of you is in a darkness…

Emelia- “Ya, ya, so, I mean, what, what I do, what I’m passionate about is- I make theatre. So that’s what I’ve done for many years and I also make radio and I also write and I’m starting to write a book and it’s a big kind of effort and energy and it’s… I do feel a bit of a block there…”

Healer- “Two things, right away!

When it feels effortfull then something is amiss.

They also say the book you think you are writing is not the book that is going to be written through you…”

(We both laugh hysterically)

Healer “So they want you to take the hands off the controls so much. They think you have an idea what this book is going to be about and for whom and that’s what’s putting the lid on you. It’s keeping some of it in the darkness. “All to do, nothing to fret about.” So then, in the stillness, after you are still for awhile something will start to move and it will start moving quite fast- they say…

Allow it to go haywire.

It’s going to go haywire before it’s going to go back to the trajectory. They are showing me the picture of it and it kinda looks like this…It starts out kinda narrow… I might have to draw it for you. What they are showing me is a little tube of something, it’s the inside of a toilet paper roll! That kind of tube. They are showing me- you are trying to fit everything into that tube and at some point what’s in there all sprays out like spaghetti everywhere, and it just seems haywire, like mahem and it goes everywhere and it may be happening right now, it may be about it happen. It’s about the perfect timing….

…all that pushing, that pressure, trying to keep yourself on task makes it all explode. They are saying…

“Let it spray, let it spew everywhere like spaghetti”food-fight-online-slot

It’s liked cooked spaghetti, you can’t even pick it up, it’s wobbly and then it will become really big and it will be much bigger than what you started with- so yes the answer is YES!

Get still so you can blow up.

And what they are saying is you still need expression of movement and interaction. You need to make sure… your soul doesn’t like just the isolation ….of writing.

So the key….Hold on just a minute they are giving me so much information at once whoah!

You’re getting ready to move into a phase you have no idea about. You have no expectation of. It’s unwritten as of yet. Which is always true but there are some guides here that are saying…

You have to let it go a little messy.

Does that make sense? Is this helpful to you?

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