I’m Titrating Right Now.

Titrate: Verb: To continuously measure and adjust the balance of a physiological function.

 One of the perks of having my own radio show is that I get to talk to whomever I want about whatever I want. This means most of my interviews are about emotions, drug-use and dirty jokes.

I’ve always been fascinated with “going there”. You know? Going to the deep, dark places to try and better understand who we are and why we do the shit we do. I get to talk to experts in the fields of the esoteric about why we feel shitty, why we long for more, more, more and what we can do about it.

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The conversation that comes up again and again is: how do I feel my feelings?

How do I feel them in a more balanced way?

How do I allow grief to move through me?

How do I not “manage” anxiety but listen to it?

And how do I let pleasure in and know that although fleeting and fragile it’s worth it?

How the fuck?

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And recently my guest said something I’d never heard of before. He said “Emelia, you need to titrate.”

Chris Dierkes (interview here) explained titrating is like turning on or off a tap. Stop turning it on full blast and then wondering why hot water is spraying all over your bathroom. Just do a tiny turn, let a drip out, keep your hand on the faucet, feel the water, then…turn it a bit further…and feel that…and oops…too far…you just got wet…turn it off.

Good job for the day.

This was a revelation to me; that I could be in control of feeling how much I feel.

Of course not all the time, sometimes you are blindsided and taken over by the horror of life but after, when the dust has settled (within 1 day- 5 years) you can start the healing process by feeling your feelings again…slowly.

Sit down.

Breathe.

Let the feeling come.

Who knows what’s going to visit today?

It may be discomfort. It may be regret. It may be fear. It may be boredom.

Feel the feelings that arrive and then…after a few minutes or if it gets too much…titrate.

This practice isn’t about clamping down on your emotions, but instead, learning portion control.

So I’m titrating today. I’m noticing that my eyes are getting heavy. I’ve started to sigh a lot. My butt is clenched. It’s been 5 hours at the computer.

I think I need a cup of tea.

I’m gonna turn my little heart tap a bit tighter.

Ahhhhh. Relief.floaring 5