Remember when Oprah coined the term “Radical Self-Care” in the early ‘90’s?
She never explained what “Radical Self Care” actually really meant though, in action.
A bubble bath. A holiday? A mani/pedi? Telling yourself you are getting 1 massage a month
Telling yourself you are getting 1 massage a month no. matter. what.
And yoga 3 x, no 2x a week.
You deserve it girlfriend!
It always seemed to me that “Radical Self-Care” was missing an important step.
Finding the space and rest to even consider- considering yourself.
Not for working-moms
Not for stay-at-home moms.
Not for low-income folks.
And how can I feel my angels replenishing me in the tub when I got 2 kids peeing in it at the same time?
I’ve recently heard a new term taught to me by Jill Prescott. Spiritual Badass and it feels a lot more apropos.
The first step to being able to radically care for yourself means inconveniencing others.
No. I cannot help you with the crying children right now because I’m having a melt-down too so I need to go lie down for 10 min first.
No, I will not work for that little amount.
No, I’m not coming to your baby shower, wedding shower, birthday party, hens night, kids jammer-jam party or “work thing” cause I don’t give a give a flying fuck.
I don’t need a mani/pedi.
I need to learn how to be with my fucking self.
And it’s deeply uncomfortable for all the givers out there.
And it feels profoundly wrong to sit my kids in front of a show so I can take an hour to write.
No, I’m not driving to the airport to pick you up, I know it’s the nice thing to do, but there’s transit and cabs and you are a grown adult.
No, I don’t have the energy to make a coffee date even though I love you dearly.
No, I’m not paying for lunch again even though I know you’re broke.
No, your child cannot come to my house for a play-date. Why? Because. That’s fucking why.
It takes practice.
And the first step is to notice your resentment.
What’s that saying if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
It’s terrifying to even say isn’t it?
I will inconvenience people when I take care of myself.
But listen to me, once you practice and feel the discomfort…it eases up.
And then the wildest thing happens, your friends, the people you say no to, the partner you inconvenience- start to trust you more. They know they can rely on you because when you say yes you mean it with all your heart. And then they get to say no too and it feels sexy and real.
I’m teaching a retreat right now. I should be in there, helping with the class. But I was feeling really annoyed. I was not being energetically useful so I walked down to my cabin and I wrote this, and now I‘m gonna run back and give them all I got because I’ve filled up again.
It’s a Win. Win.