I coined a term: Ugly/Hot
It means that you are so damn ugly it makes you hot.
I only used to date guys that were ugly/hot. My first boyfriend in grade 3 was covered in boils and zits and had coke bottle glasses that made his eyes bug out and 24/7 he wore a full mouth guard. He also sported a red afro. He was ugly/hot and I loved him for all his imperfections.
Not only am I attracted to the ugly but I am also much more comfortable showing my grotesque side rather than my pretty side. This doesn’t mean I have low self esteem or I’m fishing for compliments. It’s quite the opposite. I prefer to shine light on my ugly parts because they’re fascinating. My beautiful bits- meh.
But yesterday my little family went to the passport office to renew our passports and holy shit this ugly/hot theory of mine was deeply tested.
Here is my passport photo from 5 years ago:
And here is the photo I took today:
Here’s my husband’s shot from 5 years ago:
He looks like a Russian ballerina.
And here’s his new pic:
I know, his aren’t as bad as mine, but the photo of me is like- take your kids and run! Now, to be fair, we are having our bathroom renovated and these pictures were taken without brushing our teeth or washing our faces but the camera doesn’t lie.
It captured a moment where I look plain old horrible and for some sick reason I want to show it to you all.
I think I’m more proud of this mug shot than any photoshoots I have ever done. Because anyone can take a pretty picture and it takes a certain type of bravado to hold this look together.
It also got me thinking about how little “imperfection” I get to see anymore. Most selfies are done again and again just to get the perfect angle and facebook is a warehouse of lies that makes us compare and dispair. Even the spiritual teachers we see online look “perfectly” natural.
So, just like when I was 10 years old and most attracted to the ugliest boy in school because he was interesting and unique and weird and kind- I say- Long Live Ugly/Hot!
It’s becoming revolutionary to be honest about our full nasty selves. It’s such a relief when somone shares how broken or fucked up they are (inside or out).
I have made my career in celebrating the dark parts of my soul and let me tell you, standing on stage getting clapped for sharing how much I suck…nothing compares.
Because there is so much beauty in our ugliness.
And look what 2 washed out, unbathed, mid-30’s sleep deprived lovers can make:
That looks pretty fucking gorgeous to me.
ps. I’m adding this passport debacle to my Glam Shots page. Please check it out if you haven’t already. I’m very proud of my collection.