Trying To Be Good
…the healing powers of lying, cheating, stealing and drugs

“Emelia Symington Fedy’s riveting new podcast memoir is a vividly evocative story of a life lived with deep feeling.  Like two standouts of this style, North of Normal by Cea Person and The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, this is storytelling that draws the listener in with gorgeous writing and a deliciously raw honest heart. She is so good."

-Cathy Jones (This Hour Has 22 Minutes) 

Author and Performer

Emelia Symington Fedy

This dark and hilarious audio performance is an ruthless account of Emelia’s quest for happiness at all costs, a self-help addiction and the relief that comes when life breaks you - for good.

"I laughed. I cried. To say that Emelia's material is self-deprecating is an understatement. And it is through her brutal honesty that her stories, filled with unforgettable details, characters, and images, come to life, providing us with a mirror in which we too can look directly at our imperfect, vulnerable reflection and celebrate the tragedy, beauty, and joy of our own existence.”

-Carmen Aguirre

(Best Selling Author and Canada Reads Winner of Something Fierce, Mexican Hooker #1)


My life has been an endless stretch of trying. I began by trying to prove my worth by being born. Then I tried to convince my small town friends I was loveable by telling outrageous tales about my deathly allergies and my “family fame.” Next I tried to become a successful artist and was hailed “Canada’s favorite clown.”  Then my life’s purpose became trying to find a soul mate, which meant chasing true love into the jungles of Vanuatu. Afterwards, I became consumed with trying to find meaning and purpose in my life and spent a small fortune on healers, intuitives, gurus and shamans. Finally, at age thirty-four, after years of searching but never finding, my “trying” phase entered a new stratosphere when I wound up both pregnant and tending to my dying mother’s one request: “Please Em, just try to be good.”

Stepping back, I had no concrete reason for this lifelong dissatisfaction, but something was missing—always. I felt like I was clawing through life consumed by a single question: will this take away the empty feeling?

Growing up in rural British Columbia, Canada, my adolescence and twenties were filled with self-help books, regression therapy and angel readings as I tried every esoteric pop-psych medicine I could get my hands on to the tune of over $90K: Will taking another online spiritual course fill the void? Communing with dolphins? An affair? How about abusing prescription meds?

I even clocked over 243K miles of travel on my search, but after years of fruitlessly “trying” when I found myself confronted with life and death simultaneously—happiness became an afterthought.

Speaking to the terror that most of us experience at some point in our livesthat we are not good enough and our dreams won’t come true TRYING TO BE GOOD takes readers on an intensely personal exploration of love, fear, and ruthless self-observation, while walking a tightrope of harsh and hilarious storytelling.

The rules are everything happened. From taking a group vaginal weightlifting class to lying to a guru to get into an elite yoga training, my fu*k ups along the way are cringe-worthy, but the longing is universal.  Looking back, I’m not ashamed to say: it’s all true.

And while I put my own mishaps under the microscope, I also begin to question the motives of the positivity-rampant culture of enlightenment seekers and spiritual entrepreneurs I’d been relying on. While part of a successful multi-billion dollar industry, I began to question these light leaders publically and for myself, and my over 60,000 monthly blog followers it was liberating.

TRYING TO BE GOOD is a contemporary spiritual adventure that follows me across the world as I try everything to not feel bad and recounts the real spiritual growth I experience when I finally face the darkness without drugs, sex, travel or self-empowerment webinars.

Moving from inauspicious beginnings through personal tragedy this story relates to the millions of women who practice yoga, meditate, or otherwise seek to live their most fulfilling life. It is for the reader who is waiting for “The One,” prays that her dreams will come true and longs for a guide to show her the way. Take it from me, a rebel-heart with a penchant for trouble, that no matter how hard you try, even if you give it everything you’ve got, you will be broken. You will not get what you want. I promise you, it’s going to be so much more interesting than that.

“It's a very moving experience to have the author, Emelia Symington Fedy, read her memoir aloud. As if we were all in the room with her, going on the journey of our own self-discovery together. Emelia does not shy away from the dark or the truth and that is what makes her storytelling so unique. She is cracking open her heart to share with all of us, and what a pleasure it is to be included in the experience. We all have stories and secrets to tell but so rarely to we get to share them aloud. Emelia opens the door for others to be completely honest and candid about what it's like to feel deeply.”

- Juni Rinadli (Workin' Moms, CBC)

"TTBG is a heart-wrenching, head-nodding revelation. Emelia shares her deepest truths with searing clarity, unrelenting honesty, and a remarkable openness that makes me want to listen forever. This book is an unexpectedly enchanting guide for how to live through our most challenging moments with heart, honesty and total presence in the true grit of life.”

-Dr. Jane Hansen, Psychologist, Berkley CA

Thank You’s:

Aaron @ for going above and beyond producing the sound and being my first pair of ears.

Christie Watson for the theme music and song. He’s so sexy.

Elliott @

Martin Reisle @

Brian Chan @

For the theme music.

Rebecca Woodmass at for the beauty website.

And my community, past lovers, friends and family for hearing my version of events; my story through my own filters. It’s a vulnerable act, to speak your own truth. Thank you.