Let Go Give Up

The first thing I read about them on the internet was “this is the worst thing that anyone will ever have to endure.”

My husband banned me from google image from that moment on.
bird miteI can feel them inside my nose right now. Tiny little bugs crawling around. I’m not losing my mind (well actually…) but the bugs really are there. We’ve been infested with bird mites and their favourite place to hang out are in human ears, eyes and nostrils. I see them on my arms too but they are hard, so can’t be squished or popped.

Bird mites live on birds. When the birds leave their nests in the spring/summer the mites lose their host and start looking for another to feed on. As we like cool breezes, we keep our windows open and the mites crawled through and slowly, without our consent, infested our house.

Infestation- ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [torment, harass] ): from French infester or Latin ‘assail,’ from infestus ‘hostile.’

Are you sufficiently sicked out yet.

I’ll keep going.

Because I’m such a sweetheart (aka I need a sugar cleanse) they like me most so while the rest of my family is slightly annoyed, I’m covered in bites. We’ve tried all natural remedies possible (we lint brushed the walls for fuck sakes)  but when I found a bite on my 5 month olds face this morning we called the fumigators.

Cause no one bites my baby’s face.

Which leads me to the next topic.

I gave away my dog. Midge.

IMG_6638

She’s been my girl for 10 years.  She and I have traveled together, slept together, and once she licked my crotch (by mistake and I didn’t like it).

As soon as my son could stand up he started terrorizing Midge. He’d throw shit at her head, he’d corner her and bash her, so she started biting his face. This only made him laugh and she only drew small amounts of blood, but as my son turned into a toddler, the game “Attack Midge” got more and more unsettling until all we heard throughout the house was the combo of pleasure/pain screaming (which some of my friends (you know who you are) like, but not us). Poor Midge. One night my husband cried out in the middle of sleep  “I can deal with death, I can deal with kids, I can deal with anything but I can’t take this!” He was referring to her high pitched arooooooo arooooooooo. arooooooooooo’s at 3am.

So we started to ignore her. We started to yell at her. She was lucky to get one pet a day.

And we let her pee on the rugs and threw them out as it seemed simpler than walking her. (This is the brain chemistry of people who had 2 kids in 1.5 years).

But I was loyal to Midge because I heard my mother’s voice “pets are family and we don’t get rid of family.” and she was right.  But then it dawned on me that she was more miserable than we were. And if she had 5 years left in her, she needed to sit on a cozy lap and be fed soft chicken. So when my downstairs neighbor’s mother came for a visit and knit Midge a blanket and brought her into her own bed to sleep and then asked us if she could have Midge, we knew this was a Christmas miracle.

It was very hard, to let go of one more thing that connected me to my life before children. My mom was gone, my childhood home was gone…and all of a sudden, my Midgey is gone too. Who am I now? Without my totems.

IMG_2074

One face biter has left the building and the other jillion face biters are being decimated tomorrow.

And so as our home gets bombed with poison and my dog heads off to her retirement home we, as a family, are suddenly and terrifyingly free.

We head to a nearby hotel to splash in a heavily chlorinated pool for the night and then Harrison Hot Springs the next day, to heal in mineral water.

I’ve given up. There are teeny bugs tickling my hairline as I write this and I’m. Still. Here.

My pup who taught me that I could live alone and be happy as long as her little heartbeat was nearby- I’ve let her go.

And I realize, oh, this is being a mother. I’m releasing myself to everything new and it’s going to be okay.

Photo on 2015-05-22 at 17.13 #2Photo on 2015-05-22 at 17.13Photo on 2015-05-22 at 17.14 #2