Advice: #1 Do I have to want sex? #2 Can I hate my body?

2 questions this week. Short and Sweet.

Question #1:

Hi Emelia,

In your gut- do you believe sex is pointless (unless you’re trying to make a person)?  Ugh. should we be using the energy for something else?

-Please leave me unidentified.

Dear Unidentified,

This question hits me right in the nerve. Because, aren’t I supposed to say No! No, sex isn’t pointless. It’s important, to bond, to be vulnerable, to release tension etc. But hang on a sec…

First off, I’m a total prude when talking about s **. It’s pretty much the only thing I’m private about.  Weird hey? Like when I’m watching kissing on TV I close my eyes and my tummy does flip flops. S** is fragile and weird and I want to keep it close to my heart. Also, out of respect for my hunky husband and not to gross out my family.

But…I’ll say this.

Can you imagine asking to be touched only when and where you want to be touched?

Can you practice letting someone into the shy and bruised parts of your heart?

Can you keep your eyes open?

 Then sex is really, really important and you should do it a lot.Motherload_0172

If it’s just a getting off physical sensation- then ya, I’d probably use the energy to take my kids to science world instead.


Question #2:

I’m not happy with my body. I try to accept it and love it for what it is because it works and I’m lucky blah blah but I’m just not cool with the extra pounds and flabby and saggy parts. Help!

-Cherise

Dear Cherise,

OK. I’m going to lay it out here. First off, if you think you are a bit chunks you probably are. The worst/best thing a friend did for me once was I asked her if I was a bit chubby and she looked at me and said “yes. yes. you are.” Fuck it hurt. I wanted her to say “you are curvy and beautiful and womanly” and maybe I was those things but I was also totally chubs. This kicked me in the ass.

You’re allowed to feel shitty about your body. It’s yours. But if you want to change I’m going to be blunt. It’s gonna be really hard and mostly no fun.

These are the sucky rules:

Sweat hard for 30 min 4 times a week (Sorry yin yoga doesn’t count).

Don’t eat wheat

No refined sugar 

You can’t eat out (I mean at restaurants sicko).

Don’t portion control or count calories. (That’s just fucked. Eat as much as you want- you just can’t eat what you want.)

Don’t eat after 7 pm (Oprah said that.)

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keep score

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get calluses

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sweat and grunt

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This sugar substitute is manufactured from “100% American sustainable hardwood” Wha?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a week enjoy yourself like he does.

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Every time I leave my weight training session I fist pump the sky, but it has nothing to do with what my body looks like cause I’ve still got 25 more pounds to go. And this is the secret. It has nothing to do with the weight, it’s all about the discipline. That’s what you are longing for. That’s what will make you feel better. A spiritual practice. Working your tits off (literally, I’m working them off) for what you believe in.

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There’s something so powerful about accepting that.

*Shout out to Ms. Sjanie for being such a good trainer. If you live in Vancouver, call her. She’ll blast your quads.