Dark Night of the Soul

It’s hard to talk about the darkness when it’s darkest out.
It’s a very private thing.
And it gets all messy in the head.
All the thoughts of what I should be doing.
What I have done wrong.
What will happen next.
The terror.
It’s real.
And I want you to know that I feel it deep tonight and I’m still trying.
I’m trying to do nothing about it and accept it as a place.
A corner that is cracked and scary and fraught and talking about it late at night when everyone else in the house is asleep is all I can do to shed some light on it.

So I do.

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And then I go upstairs and look at my sleeping family and even though I don’t see them the way I should because it’s dark outside and the shadows are overwhelming at least they are there.
At least there is that.

It’s not the time to try to see happy things. It’s not the hour to try and change what is coursing though my veins.

This is the room I am in right now and it’s dark.