Being definitive is bad (yes, this is an ironic statement)

I’ve been getting triggered lately by all the experts giving me their definitive advice on the www. I don’t mind it when scientists say “this molecule does this thing…” because technically they may be right (for the moment), but when spiritual writers and practitioners tell me:

 I want to make more money.

I don’t want to procrastinate.

I need to follow my dreams (and here’s how)…

I must want to have better sex…

It’s clear to me that this is not the truth.  It’s only their opinion.


In the writing/blogging world there are two common voices. The expert and the questioner.

The expert tells you their bias and frames it as truth.

The questioner plays the clown and asks their readers to formulate their own analysis.

 Adyashanti is an awakened dude I’m really into right now and he asks a lot of questions.

Mostly he asks me to open my mind.

What if there is no black and white. Right or wrong. What if everything- is.

 You have an addiction. That’s ok.

You struggle with depression. That’s reasonable too.

You sometimes rage. I understand.

He asks us to take all of our assumptions and beliefs that we’ve spend out lives cultivating as truth (“my dad hurt me” is mine) and rather than knowing, instead, asking why?

Is that true?

Is it possibly not true?

Is it possible nothing you thought was true is true?

This is a deeply challenging process for our egos, because my identity is built up around all the “truths” I’ve carefully cultivated over the years.

World's Most Beautiful Places 1

Who would I be if I wasn’t yearning to get “better.” What if there is no better?

The experts constantly tell us that there is more work to do. And a lot of times, the work involves paying them for the answer.

What if there is no answer?

What if there is only a wide open meadow full of light rays and dark shadows and they are all meant to be there.most-beautiful-places-in-the-world-that-actually-exist-10

So, I just wanted to be the shit disturber (again) and ask when you see link bait headlines like “being definitive is bad” notice how it makes you feel.

I immediately feel inferior and insecure.

And then I try and fill myself up with answers that make me feel safe again and the cycle continues.

 What if filling up is not helping?

What if remaining empty is actually the work?

Do you really think any of this is in your control?

 It’s easy to be bossy.

It’s much harder to not have a clue.

Adyashanti also says to notice what people are saying because it’s more about how they feel than about you. If someone is an expert on money, is it possible they feel lack? And if someone has the answer to fulfill your dreams, Is it possible they have a hole that cannot be filled?”

 These experts are not right. They are just loud.


If I were to guess what “the goal” of living is, I would say to feel connected with everyone and everything.

To me, that means:

 I will feel pain.

I am deeply uncomfortable.

Sometimes I am happy and other times I’m in misery.

Everyone around me is in the same boat.

 I have no clue.

When people tell you what to do, they are separating themselves furthur from you.

When we put experts above us we abdicate our own innate inner wisdom.

And in doing so we assume that there is something to be fixed and we could get better…

Fuck no.

It might even get worse.

I also recognize this essay is somewhat of a definitive statement and I’m not sure what to do about that.


But, I ask you to ask yourself:

 What if all this suffering is what it means to be human and real?

What if I don’t need to ignore my instincts anymore?

What if there are no experts?

And what if this, right now, in all its horror, is perfect.