Thanks for your words on the cult of abundance. I would love to hear your opinion regarding the cult of MEANING, finding meaning in every experience.
We live in our heads with worry for the imagined future and obsessing about the past while assigning meaning to every experience, feeling, thought, star movement, planet retro grading, spending patterns, temperature change, and on and on.
We create systems of power and governing and morality and yoga and then pretend these systems have natural laws. So what is real? Why truly has meaning?
Ohhhhh sheeeet. High 5 (Borat accent).
What the fuck am I supposed to do with this question?
Okay. So you are right. We try to make meaning because meaning is all we have.
We know nothing as to why we are here. What the point is? If we are useful or parasites and if we will all eventually be tortured slowly to death while the sun fades out because we took too many “I deserve it” vacations to Mexico.
Let me freak out about that for a minute; the “I deserve it” line.
You don’t deserve a massage, or a Saturday morning sleep in or even Earnest Ice Cream (Major plug here, holy fuck BEST IN THE WORLD.) You can have those things but they are not owed to you in any way- ever.
You deserve love.
You deserve shelter.
You deserve nutrition.
I got really high on mushrooms once and through my puking and crying into a snow bank God spoke to me. Like loud and clear and for real and it changed my life.
The message was:
1. This earth is my art and you were chosen to care for it. It is not here for you, you are here for it.
2. Expect nothing except sticks to make fire and clean water to drink. If you have loved ones, hold them close and do all that you can to protect them.
3. All that matters in your life…all you are here to do is care for my planet, care for each other and to find moments of comfort in the cold.
So, that’s pretty fucking bleak but it’s also a great relief.
This is our only job. This is our greatest meaning; to take care.
We make meaning because that means we are important and in control.
It makes sense to have rules to live by.
I used to have a slight OCD issue when I was a teenager and I’d close my eyes while driving and count upward slowly, and if I made it to an even number in the 20’s before swerving off the road or hitting someone that meant my mom wouldn’t die. It brought me relief to know I had control in some way. My actions had meaning.
But of course they don’t. And that’s the hardest thing to let in.
That all my connection making, praying, prostrating and believing might just be rituals to comfort me because truly what I most long for doesn’t even matter.
We don’t matter.
This is what God told me.
Which is why I just texted my husband to bring me home some Salted Caramel Earnest Ice Cream; because small comforts help; and taking care of each other is the only thing we can do in this wild, mysterious, passionate life that may mean nothing at all.
Kinda cheezy I know- but I didn’t say it.