This is an ongoing question for me in terms of creativity. Do I push or do I wait for the muse to “nudge” me along.
I had an intuitive session once and she told me “Emelia you ignite this little pilot light of an idea, it just starts sparking flame and then your BLOW on it screaming GO GO GO GO and the little light isn’t strong enough to endure and it fizzles out.”
She said “ you are scared of something being stolen from you, or someone getting there first, or you think the idea will disappear, or the zeitgeist will overtake you, but this is yours, no one else can do this the way YOU would do it, so let the little fire kindle and gently add some heat and watch it for awhile and then slowly turn it up and you’ll find after letting it heat at its own pace- soon you’ve got yourself a raging flame that no one can touch and it’s become bigger than you and nothing can stop it.”
I made that sound way more poetic than she said it.
But she was right. I do push and breathe like a dragon on my creations, wanting to get them out into the world. I am driven to create and I want the necessity out of my system.
So my podcast memoir was set to release on the 4th anniversary of my mother’s death in mid-Oct. A honouring. And I got sick. Really sick. And things were held up on hte production end and I was writhing in bed that the sacred timeline was getting closer and I wasn’t going to make it.
Then I got some surprising news- an excellent publicist that I’m really inspired by wanted to work with me on selling the “bookcast.” She loved it and thought it had lots more reach and potential than I was giving it and we needed more time. She also said “your story is not a Christmas story love, after Nov 15 all everyone wants is jingle bells. Although absolutely hilarious, you talking about popping pills while pregnant and tending to your dying mother is most definitely a winter tale.”
So here was the reminder, don’t blow the pilot light out Emelia. Respect the timing.
Sit on your hands and chomp at the bit.
It’s not all up to you.
It’s not all your job.
You’re actually done. Your heart and soul and integrity and grit is recorded and edited and set. Now you can let it simmer and get delicious and make the whole house smell good.
So, an update Trying to be Good…the healing powers of lying, cheating, stealing and drugs will now be released from the gate mid-January. And if you want to pass the 50% off deal to anyone just send them this link.
In 20 years of making art, this story is what I’m most proud of. It deserves to rest and settle and become bigger than me and then give itself to the world, on it’s own damn time…
So continuing forward, I found this woman down an internet wormhole when my family was away for a few days and I got to lie around till 1 pm in my robe. HEAVEN. HIGH ON ALONE TIME.
For me she’s an example of simmering creativity.
She did not set out to become a famous “Spoon Lady.”
She was impoverished. Her husband was incarcerated. She gave her children away due to not being able to financially care for them. She ran away from the pain of it all. She rode the rails across the states for years, and because she could not afford an instrument, she learned the spoons. She played them for money to eat. She got better, and better and better. She found a town she liked. She finally stayed put. And here she is.
This was not her “plan.” This was not “branded.”
This is he(art)fullness being born out of necessity.
And this is good for us artists to remember.
Make it because you need to. The rest is up to everything else…