The First Post I Ever Wrote

This is the first post I ever wrote for tryingtobegood. I called it Tina Fey Is My Hero.

As we head into 2015 I thought I’d share a few of my beginnings with you. Here ya go!This Tina Fey book is all at once inspiring me and killing me. She is so much funnier than me when she writes about her insecurities that all the comedic iconic women in her life are funnier than her. This is not me trying to write a joke. This is just the truth. She also seems to be able to work harder and sleep less than me. Like 2 hours a night cause she’s writing jokes for 30 Rock, come on- there is no way I could get up after 2 hours to go to work. NOTHING in the world is that important to me and a stone over is just too hard to fight. Her husband and child also don’t seem to need her, when does she have time to give blow-jobs and breastfeed?

When reading her book I want to rush out and do whatever it takes “to make my dreams come true” and on the exact other hand I want to keep sitting on the couch reading her book. All these amazing stories of working alongside blah blah and hoo ha, and ding dong and how cool they are and how lame she is and how lucky she was to be in the right place at the right time and I just don’t understand how it happens, This perfect “dream come true” that she has.

And I know that this must sound so central and embarrassing, that I think I am smart enough, talented, have something interesting enough to say that it could be noticed by the world. But did she want it as much as me?

Tina Fey’s book is making me feel like shit almost to the point of getting myself off the couch to do something about it. I want someone to write a book about how hard it is, the details, the worry, the years of being sure it’s all not going to work out, the poverty, the addictions, the hateful body image,  the credit card debt, the shitty jobs that had nothing to do with her dreams, and the step by step analysis of how she came to inner peace with exactly who she is- right now, perfectly, in this moment.

I want someone to write that book.