During a session with an intuitive a year ago she told me that she saw me as I saw myself…a hunched over old cackling clown, dragging a bunch of junk behind her, with a limp and smeared red lipstick; rebellious and shit-disturbing. I was funny and entertaining and even subversive sure, but it was an act – to soften my message. It wasn’t truly my essence.
What she saw me as was a poised, tall, sophisticated, intelligent woman with long beautiful hair and powerful things to say. Yes, I was rebel-hearted. Yes. I disturbed shit, but I didn’t need to make a big deal of these attributes as it just was intrinsic to who I was.
She told me she wanted me to drop the “fuck up” act and stand taller and prouder. She kept repeating the word “poised” and “smart.”
And she was right.
And then the on opening night of a big show this last month, again a colleague and friend came up to me and said “I read everything you write and you know, if I didn’t know you, I’d be very surprised to meet you. You present as a shitty mom and a total mess and look at how gorgeous you are right now. Just look.” And I looked down and I must admit (twist my rubber arm) that I was intact and everything matched and in fact I had a shirt on that was designed and made ethically by a supermodel. I mean…
I’ve used the clown to get my message across, that we are all in pain and we are all imperfect and we are all still deserving of love and beauty- especially our fucked up bits.
And I’ve showed you all my fucked up bits. I will continue to do so. This is my work in the world.
I’ll show you mine, and then you can show me yours and then we can all run around showing our real selves to each other and won’t that be incredible and hilarious!
And could I share this message with poise?
Could I disturb shit with long hair and an ironed shirt?
Could I be beautiful and powerful and badass as fuck and smart all at the same time?
This is my offering is to you.
I’m so excited to unveil my newest creation I’m up before the kids.
It’s Trying to be Good and it always will be (rebel cards and glam shots and ranting) and it’s more. It’s virtual workshops and woman’s retreats, it’s silly and feminist and thought-leading. It’s performance art and speaking gigs and storytelling and videos of my kids on my back and it’s everything I believe in.
And I’m being very clear about what I want to offer you.
I’m proud to share my heart and soul and work in the world with you.
It’s yours now. Check it out. There’s lots to see.
My designer Rebecca Woodmass from Quill Creative went above and beyond and I’m a total perfectionist annoyo and she never freaked out at me once. In fact, she was always patient and thoughtful and generous as hell and she talked me off the ledge and kept me moving forward towards my vision. I highly and deeply recommend her.
I can’t wait for you to see our new clubhouse.
Unpretentious and fun, straight -up and real. No compromises. Full integrity. Gorgeous. And always with a tiny, intentional lipstick smear…
Everyone’s welcome. We’re all in this together. Except…well…for that one guy.
I love you all.
I dance like Beyoncé’s watching and if you know someone who needs what I’m giving, pass me on. And I love it when you tell your friends to sign-up! You’re encouragement waters my pants. (not a typo)
- The first Necessary Creatives is already underway and these women are blowing my mind with their open hearts.
- The 2018 Hawaii Yoga retreat is half-full.
- And I’m booked for 3 speaking gigs this fall.
Seven years of writing my heart out every single week and I’m still learning – which is why I’ll never stop.
When you stretch yourself, wash your face and shine every single terrifying perfect part forth- the floodgates open.
So my dear TTBG friends, with your love and support here I am almost 40- getting bigger and bolder and golder – and thankful you’re with me.
Now please, take lunch, put your kids in front of the TV, pretend you’re “working” and unwrap your gift!