I’m scared to write. No, I am debilitated when it comes to writing. People tell me I can write, that I’m a writer, bla fucking bla, but I can’t fucking write. I have my first paid freelancing gig and i’m distracting myself by binge dating.
Something has to happen because right now I’m sitting in a corner office with no windows as a temp shuffling tarot cards when my boss isn’t looking, drinking shitty folgers coffee, and scribbling chapter titles on copy paper (like “I’m Just In It For The Birth Control: How To Be A Temp” and “Take Your Adult To Work Day”).
I feel like I’m waiting on the Universe but maybe it’s a check-mate and the Universe is waiting on me?
I don’t know what I’m asking, but I’ll take whatever you got. Give it to me straight. I can take it.
Isn’t this a genius question? Isn’t she a great writer? Seriously. I love this woman, and of course, I feel an affinity for her because she is talking about passion and fear and writing. Which I can relate to.
So I bumped her advice to the top of my quite long list of questions that are asking for answers. Usually I ruminate for a week or so, but I sat down last night and gave her my all.
Did you notice how pretty I looked? Also, how compassionate and caring and non- judgemental I was?
But it didn’t sit right, I was thinking about her all day, and then I realized I missed the biggest part of her question. When she said “Give it to me straight. I can take it.” This hot bitch wants a spanking! (And I know she’s hot cause I creeped her on facebook). She doesn’t want my soft love, she wants a smack.
Do you notice, only 1 day later, how messy I look? And how rude and grumpy I am?
And THEN, I still didn’t nail it. There was something missing. So, on day 3, finally, after just waking up, ugly as all fuck from no sleep- I got it. And I brought a special guest with me too.
I find this hilarious and incredible, that I can have 3 different pieces of advice and 3 different faces in 3 different days…but then I remembered that life is a prism- nothing is set, everything is changing and she should take both pieces of my genius advice at the same time, be gentle and be fierce, be patient and be frustrated, be brave and be scared- all at once. And I can be ugly and still be pretty at the same time too.
Life is all about the opposites.
I still love this lady though. And her question. That stayed exactly the same.