Stop

  Sometimes I have to stop everything and lie down. I have to put my hands on my chest and take a moment to remind myself that in the end, in fact, everything is probably, actually going to be okay.

Racism on the Looser Cruiser

I have to pee but there is no fucking way I am going to use the toilet in the back of the bus. I would rank it equivalent to sucking a stranger’s dick to raise enough money to buy myself groceries. A last resort. Is where all the rest of the world lives? Have I entered a weird dimension?  If …

I suck therefore I am human

Everything important I have learned in my life stems from how much I suck. Being the worst. Fucking up. Wanting to crawl out to the desert and disappear forever. I have tales of shame that would shake your head and make you ask “How does someone sane do that kind of thing?” My point exactly. I do not tout the …

Yogi’s are the most disconnected and self-serving people I know.

…and I can say this because I am one. Not just a yogi, but also a yoga teacher with two certificates under my belt. You can call me the average Jane of Yoga, you can call me very generally entrenched in the community. I teach workshops, I fly to far away places to study with the teachers that inspire me. …

Re-Awakening

What I have read about the awakening state (a state that is nearing enlightenment) is positive. Words I have heard used to describe this state are bliss, oneness, interconnectedness, deep inner knowing. I’m not sure what horseshoe got up any of these lightheads ass because I did not feel any of these feelings- not once. How do I know I …

covers

sometimes life is really hard, it really hurts and there is nothing you can do. And let me tell you, I’m lying here in bed right now. I’m under the covers.

I got me a hate on

I feel the burning hate course through my head. My face is flushed. My skull is tight. I can literally feel my reptilian lobe pulsing and contracting shooting poison acid throughout my nervous system. I could go into detail over who wronged me. Who the stupid fuck is that is trying to ruin my life, what they did, and how …

my mother shines when death is near

My mother shines when death is near. She shimmers around demanding and crying and nattering and catastrophizing and meddling and hurting and dottering  until I want to take a 2/4 to her back. Being around her in her heightened state in my normal state makes me mean and useless. I take an Ativan at 3, and a hoot of pot …

I can’t even smoke in this damn town.

I’m visting my mother and for reals I want to kill her. For god honest truth she kissed me on the shoulder today, this little old dry lady peck and it was all I could do to not pull her arm out of its socket and shove her so hard across the room she catches air, flies, hits the wall …