This questioner didn’t call it The Worst Time Of Her Life but I identified it as such, only because I remember mine so well. So I tell you all about the worst time in my life and then I tell her what to expect next… ps. I think this may be the perfect blend of the best advice I’ve ever given and the most offensive way I’ve told a story yet. Enjoy. CLICK on the LINK below to listen the-worst-time-of-my-life
Sometimes you just have to get better. You have to grow. There is no time for therapy, or friends, or hot tubs or yoga or journaling about it. There is no space to meditate or breathe into the softness. This does not mean you are pushing or bad or hard as a rock. Or maybe you are. But that doesn’t matter. Because you are in pain. So lie down. Right now, face first on the earth and feel her body holding you up. Cry. Or don’t. And understand that right now you are alone. It’s true. No one can understand you. The grief is too great. Your expectations are too high. And this is a stretch of the road you must walk by yourself. It’s yours and no one else’s. Not your partner or your father or your best friend can carry you along. No one is failing you. No one can do anything and whatever they do would be wrong anyway. Because amidst all the warmth and love and bodies and care; you are still alone. And it has to be this way. You have to feel the loss that deeply. You have to be gutted. It’s your way of honouring them. You love that much. It won’t get any better. Time will not heal. And a vacation won’t perk you up. You are different now. You carry a heavier backpack full of new beliefs and sacred things. And we don’t feel sorry for you because some of us have been there too. We feel sad but we know there is not much to be done. And poetry is fucking rude and positive thoughts are down right disrespectful. You miss them and that will never change. So feel the scope of your limitless sorrow. Be undone by…
What is winter like? How would we recognize winter happening? What happens in winter that does not happen at any other time? Would somebody just name something about winter that doesn’t happen at any other time?
“Dark” yeah, so lack of light. The whole issue of darkness. No accident that I’m wearing the dark colors, and in winter many people having a tendency to wear more dark colors in harmonization with the seasons. Times when it is dark, these are winter times. Times when it is not from the outside that we will get our source of light. Times when, if we want to see something at the end of the tunnel, it ain’t gonna be out there. Especially at this time of year when we have not yet reached solstice, the times in life where, frankly, it’s more dark than light, and you know what? it looks like its getting darker– every day.
This is one of the things that happens and what a mercy, in a sense, that it happens every single year: we go through a period of time where it’s darker than it is light and every day it gets darker. This is a practical training ground for learning, “oh, what do I do when it’s dark and getting darker?”…
First let’s clarify what constitutes a fucked up friend: They are heartbroken. A loved one has died. They were in an accident. They just had a baby. They just had a major life transition that they didn’t want or plan on (fire, renoviction, etc) There are ill. *Now, I’m not putting mental illness, addiction and clinical depression into the mix here although that is fucked up too and deserves major support- this is a way longer road that a friend may not be able to traverse as easily with youtube video’s and the big guns like family and professionals will need to be called in as well. A Few Golden Rules: Don’t text them. Don’t facebook them Don’t email them. If they are your friend, CALL THEM. They probably won’t pick up but leave a message. Tell them you love them. Tell them “I’m sorry this shit happened to you. I cannot imagine the pain you are in. I’m bringing sandwiches over at noon.” Be direct. Let them hear your voice. After first contact you can begin using the interwebs and electronic mail to communicate. Don’t Ask Them The Following Questions: How can I help? Tell me when a good time to call would be? Let me know if there is anything I can do? The KEY Is: Do NOT ask the fucked up friend to organize or plan anything. Do it yourself. Boss them around a bit. “I’m coming over to make dinner and clean your toilet. Hide in your room from 5-7pm if you don’t want to see anyone. Leave the door unlocked.” If You Live Near Them: Bring them fresh, healthy food and a bag of chips. Leave it on their doorstep. Call their partner or another friend and ask them what is needed. Maybe laundry? Maybe…
You know when you feel like shit but you are embarrassed to talk about it because you are “supposed” to be postive and thankful for your blessed life. You know when it’s dark out and you’re shivering and the people you rely on aren’t around, or if they are it’s not enough so you feel mighty sorry for youself. You know when you try so fucking hard to be good but really, under the covers would be the best place to go? Well, this one’s for you. The question this week was a simple one. Why am I sometimes sad and why do I revel in it? sad sack is super It’s under 5 min so you got the time. Here’s a ray of sunshine to stick up all our butts while we are at it.
It’s hard to talk about the darkness when it’s darkest out. It’s a very private thing. And it gets all messy in the head. All the thoughts of what I should be doing. What I have done wrong. What will happen next. The terror. It’s real. And I want you to know that I feel it deep tonight and I’m still trying. I’m trying to do nothing about it and accept it as a place. A corner that is cracked and scary and fraught and talking about it late at night when everyone else in the house is asleep is all I can do to shed some light on it. So I do. And then I go upstairs and look at my sleeping family and even though I don’t see them the way I should because it’s dark outside and the shadows are overwhelming at least they are there. At least there is that. It’s not the time to try to see happy things. It’s not the hour to try and change what is coursing though my veins. This is the room I am in right now and it’s dark.
I was feeling really down yesterday.
“I don’t make enough money.”
“I work too hard.”
“I’m not appreciated for what I do.”
“No one cares.”
“I should just quit.”
I was throwing myself a real fucking pity party, and of course I found myself squished down the rabbit hole of the internet and emerged out onto a website that blew me away…
I feel your pain.
I see how hard you work.
I understand your grief at fucking up again.
I feel your sadness that people you love will die.
I see your annoyance at what an asshole you can be.
I notice your overwhelming anxiety about your job…
My best friend moved today.
I feel like I am 6 years old and I want to run home, crawl into my bed and bawl my eyes out…
It is the eve of my 34th birthday. I am curled up at home in my favourite chair with a soft blanket and candles lit.
sick. I know.
I am looking back on my year.
I did things, lots of creative things. I stressed out about not doing enough creative things.