I grew up in a trailer in the woods. It was not a luxurious double-wide but we did have an addition built on to it so there was an extra room. We grew meat birds and to keep the baby chicks warm in the spring we would keep them in the house under a heat lamp. I preferred them living in my bedroom so I would fall asleep every night to chirping of birds and the smell of tiny poos.
One of my best friends told me this incredible story. It is horribly embarrassing so I have taken out any identifiers. It is all true.
…instead, I’ll wish you softness when you’re unhappy, and the breath to navagate through it. I’ll also wish for you to know that you are surrounded by people who probably have many of the same fears and sadness as you do. Even if social media seems to be sure they are doing much better. Because they traveled more this year. And they made more money. And their quotes seem more inspired. And if you are alone right now, I wish you to know that you won’t be for much longer. If you don’t want to be. And if you are broken hearted right now I wish you to know that it won’t last forever. In fact, next NY you may ringing the bells with your dream come true. But, I’m not wishing for your dreams to come true; because they might not. Instead I’m wishing you inner fortitude to face what is given to you and a clean warm blanket to hide under when you need to be held close. I’m not wishing you goals reached. I’m not wishing you many successes. I’m not wishing you shiny sparkles up your butt. (unless you’d like that). This New Year I’m calling out to the cosmos with my arms raised high above my head and my heart cracked wide… May we accept this life. All of it. Right now. No more, more, more wishing for any more. Fuck our best wishes. We don’t know what’s in store for us. What I really wish for 2015 is… To create space for the nothingness to turn itself into what it wants to be… Instead of making goals and setting resolutions… Let’s let the great mystery in, shall we. Oh, and I wish you pleasure, amidst everything else swirling around reach out and grab a huge…
When friends criticize.
When family doesn’t understand.
Do you quit?
Do you hole up and hate yourself?
“Hope is dead to me” I said.
And I didn’t mean the quiet pretty girl with perfect braids and the aubergene Club Monaco sweater who sat in front of me in grade 5.
I meant the belief that my dreams will come true. That kind of hope. Is dead.
Maurice Sendack on dying and living and life.
Okay, so the next time you have to do something you don’t want to do- maybe you have a meeting you don’t want to go to or maybe you have to get up earlier than you would like or maybe you have to cook dinner for an asshole who doesn’t appreciate you or maybe you just feel like shit cause sometimes you feel that way.
Put this song on loud…
This show blows my mind in so many ways. My boyfriend recently told me that this clip reminds him of my soul. I felt so known. I felt so seen. I know this child probably has a shitty situation happening and dear God please bless her but I am also reminded- Long live Miss Piggy! Princesses unite! When I see this kind of unabashed ownership of ones own power I believe again in a bright future. I just want to let it all hang out!
Happy Spring Forward!
What I have read about the awakening state (a state that is nearing enlightenment) is positive. Words I have heard used to describe this state are bliss, oneness, interconnectedness, deep inner knowing. I’m not sure what horseshoe got up any of these lightheads ass because I did not feel any of these feelings- not once. How do I know I had an awakening? Well let’s just say if you have one it will be crystal clear that you are either mentally breaking down or a deep paradigm shift is in progress (and maybe it’s a bit of both). I was in the mountains. I was snowshoeing with my man. It was a brilliantly beautiful day. We have a little ritual about what we wanted to get out of this day and he say’s “I want to learn how to deeply heal myself the people I love.” I say “I want to see light! I want to have fun!” We get going. The prayers are answered almost immediately but not in the way I expect. I look across at this expansive mountain range, covered in snow and gleaming sun and a veil lifted, or that’s how I would describe it. I see for the first time what was really there. I see textures in the air that I had not noticed before, I see multi-dimensional sparkles in the sunlight, and I see how the mountains fit perfectly together to catch the snow in the exact prettiest places. I am overwhelmed to tears at the majesty of our earth. Why would such beauty be here? What is the point of all this artistry? A voice from somewhere deep inside says “This is my offering to you.” I am now flooded with information. The earth is God’s. It is not ours. And God…