An open letter to all parents from a non-parent.

I just finished babysitting your baby today. I have salmon stuck on my neck and in the crease under my left breast.
My eardrum is damaged due to high frequency screaming.
I had to hold her while I was peeing…

Be careful what you ask for…

One Saturday afternoon holding onto the end of my very frayed rope I finally just sat down and I asked. “Dear Lord almighty in heaven puhhhhllleasee just tell me where to step next. I neeeeeed a sign.”

And this is what I saw…

Christmas Cannibalism

This is a Christmas story I told for The Flame about the time I thought I was going to get eaten by cannibals on Christmas eve.
Love to you all!

If the cancer doesn’t kill her I will…(the live version)

Happy Mothers Day to all the mother lovers out there. Here is a story I told about my tortured love relationship with my mama at The Flame, a storytelling series in Vancouver, BC. Mothers rule the Universe whether we want them to or not! Listen here. mothers-day-love-story Love, Emelia

If the cancer doesn't kill her I will…(the live version)

Happy Mothers Day to all the mother lovers out there. Here is a story I told about my tortured love relationship with my mama at The Flame, a storytelling series in Vancouver, BC. Mothers rule the Universe whether we want them to or not! Listen here. mothers-day-love-story Love, Emelia

Trashy white girl

My boyfriend knocked on the large front door. Before his knuckles lifted from the rap the door opened and we were ushered quickly inside. A cat quickly started weaving in and out between my legs. “Her name is Halle,” the woman said softly about the beautiful black siamese cat. I giggle. I always like a bit of unintentional racism. There …

I can’t even smoke in this damn town.

I’m visting my mother and for reals I want to kill her. For god honest truth she kissed me on the shoulder today, this little old dry lady peck and it was all I could do to not pull her arm out of its socket and shove her so hard across the room she catches air, flies, hits the wall …

Home hurts so good

I am the kinda girl who always wanted to leave home. My father lived a plane ride away so every month I would fly UM to Victoria to see him. All the stewardesses knew my name, saved me extra peanuts and let me sit behind the counter and rip tickets. When I would get bored I would roll around in …

Trying my best

I am visiting the in-laws right now for the first time. And no matter how much I am in my body or 33 years old, or a successful working professional, or meditating regularly – I care, I deeply care about what they think of me. Thus, the time is spent, highly aware or my words, my tone, my jokes, if …