One of my best friends told me this incredible story. It is horribly embarrassing so I have taken out any identifiers. It is all true.
This weeks column is about one of my favourite topics- Mothers-what the fuck to do about our relationship with our mothers. CLICK BELOW FOR MY MOTHER ADVICE. Be warned. There are no easy answers and feeling this shit hurts. I love you. Thank’s for listening. motheradvice
We have only been driving away for 6 minutes and we have to pull over and turn into a fruit and garden centre. Someone’s diarrhea is acting up…
This is a Christmas story I told for The Flame about the time I thought I was going to get eaten by cannibals on Christmas eve.
Love to you all!
We have only been driving away for 8 minutes and we have to pull over and turn around and go back home. Mom’s diarrhea is acting up.
We get to the fishing cabin on the lake and they are not expecting us. The owner’s wife starts yelling at her husband for being forgetful. She mentions that our cabin had a load of fishermen in it last night and for some reason the place had a thick layer of grease all over everything. It will take a while to clean up. While we wait my brother pees behind a tree.
My father and I are estranged at the moment which is a bit of an oxymoron I know, the “at the moment” part. It’s a long story but the basis of it is I’m right and he is wrong and I will not forgive him till he apologizes…
I hung up on my mother this evening. While she was talking to me, I set the phone down and disconnected.
I told her some exciting news about my life and once again she was not excited for me. “How much does the rent cost? Is that a smart idea?
Happy Mothers Day to all the mother lovers out there. Here is a story I told about my tortured love relationship with my mama at The Flame, a storytelling series in Vancouver, BC. Mothers rule the Universe whether we want them to or not! Listen here. mothers-day-love-story Love, Emelia
I grew up in a trailer in the woods. It was not a luxurious double-wide but we did have an addition built on to it so there was an extra room. We grew meat birds and to keep the baby chicks warm in the spring we would keep them in the house under a heat lamp. I preferred them living in my bedroom so I would fall asleep every night to chirping of birds and the smell of tiny poos.
My boyfriend knocked on the large front door. Before his knuckles lifted from the rap the door opened and we were ushered quickly inside. A cat quickly started weaving in and out between my legs. “Her name is Halle,” the woman said softly about the beautiful black siamese cat. I giggle. I always like a bit of unintentional racism. There was nothing in the house that didn’t need to be there. I could feel that. I could feel that everything was exactly where it was meant to be. I looked in the pen drawer; they only had three, three really high quality pens that worked really well. They live in that drawer; you must have to use them near the drawer so they don’t ever go missing. Dinner was highly uncomfortable. My impulse was to take off my top and start hitting my tits on the top of their heads, playing a game of duck, duck goose. I have no ideas what taboos I actually did smash through. I noticed that they spit their olive pits into select spoons and then they place the spoon in a bowl to deposit the pit. I put a paper napkin in the garbage and all of a sudden that was the time to take out the garbage. The bathroom was a dream for a sneaker snooper like me. The creams, the lotions, the possibilities! Normally I might even take a few testers home but I knew they would be missed so I just plied my face with layer and layer of emollient. By the time I was done they were waiting for us in the hot tub. I peed and rushed downstairs, I felt a nagging sensation and realized I had caught myself in a fatal mistake; I raced back up and flushed.…