Love the Bitch

For 15 years I’ve been working collectively making theatre; and 80% of the time I’m in the room I can’t shut up. I’m loud, opinionated and passionate. I care a lot. I’m sure it’s annoying as fuck. I tell my collaborators when I think they’re off the mark. I fight for my ideas. I’m fine getting into conflict and hashing …

NO.WAY.MAN

I don’t have a problem saying No.

My parents tell me it was my first word.

No. Way. Man. was the first phrase to be exact.

I have really good boundaries.

“No. I don’t want to”.

“No thanks”.

“Maybe next time”.

“Fuck off”…

An open letter to all parents from a non-parent.

I just finished babysitting your baby today. I have salmon stuck on my neck and in the crease under my left breast.
My eardrum is damaged due to high frequency screaming.
I had to hold her while I was peeing…

Brazilian Waxing as Spiritual Practice

I may be the only 33 year old in the western world that has not gotten the full meal deal when it comes to waxing so I thought it was high time. I was unclear about options, rules and etiquette so I spoke plainly. I would like the front to look tidy. I would like the undercarriage clean. Why am …

I clean up quite well.

I just saw the gnarliest squirrel running along a telephone wire outside my hotel room window. It looked like a cross between a ferret and a pencil. Most of his hair was gone except for random tufts sticking out along his thin belly but he seemed quite jaunty and free. It’s destiny that I see this squirrel today because he reminds me a lot of me.
It’s surprising how little I care for my looks…

I am a dick

Be yourself.
Even if yourself is a real know-it-all critical asshole sometimes.
Really be that ass.
Deeply love that ass..

I get very protective over my personal space.

I get along quite well in crowds because I become all elbows. Put me into a situation where I have to get my immediate family out of some sort of military takeover and I will get us across the last free border just in time…

I am a bit of a sneaker and a stealer

When I take an airplane I always bring something fizzy to drink in my carry-on luggage. As I go through security I ready myself in anticipation. Of course, they find the liquid and they say “sorry lady, you are going to have to drink this before you go through security or leave it behind.” I then tell them “I have diabetes, I need to carry sugar with me at all times and unless you want to see a woman in a diabetic coma, this better not be a problem.”

And they let me through.