I tell him I don’t have time to eye gaze, I’m too busy working. If I had extra time I would meditate with my eyes closed, not looking into his needy peepers.
We have been reading a lot of tantra so now my expectations are rising exponentially. I want him to hold his load longer! I want him to caress me like goddess nectar? I want him to throw me around like Shiva whipping his trident.
I want him to leave me alone because right now I’m reading about intimacy in relationships.
“Its going to take awhile. It’s a journey, you not judging me the entire way would be helpful” he says. “I wouldn’t have to judge you if you didn’t fuck up” I say back.
“Okay, yes I agree, “I have been in the masculine, but I cannot get into the feminine if you are all doing the dishes all the time. And I want you to say no to me, I want you to tell me when I’m a bitch because me using judgement to keep you at a distance is exactly the same as you using flexibility and neutrality to keep me at a distance. Tell me what you want! I would find it sexy.”
I found a boyfriend who is really kind. Fuck, honestly I have had both types and they are equally annoying in the opposite ways, the big difference I guess is that the kind one is actually living with me and being patient with me and wants to build a future with me and the mean one is in the jungle of brazil, dancing with 20 year olds, high on peyote.
He wants a day a week that is dedicated to our spiritual practice, because that’s how we met- in yoga. He wants the point of our relationship to be to grow as deep as we can together, break through all barriers of ego and judgement and support each other in shining our brightest light into the world.
“Yes, fine” I say, “I will try find some time for that.