Aging Gracefully

I have this thing on my eye, both of them actually. Its this flap of skin that folds down over the lid, so for example when I am putting eyeshadow (for a play, never in real life) on the crease of my lid where the flap folds over the eyeball part there is always this line of makeup that gets caked up inside. I also notice that the flap loosens near the end of my eye and there is a small pocket of flesh that is  now always drooping down. The flap is big enough that I could push a kernel of corn into it and the skin pocket would hold the kernel in place.

I am complaining about this to a friend and she tells me it is a sign of aging. She tells me that my face is falling. I see for the first time how a woman would want pay exorbitant amounts of money to have a doctor slice off some of the excess. This is not a wisdom line, it is not a laugh line, it is a flap of skin over my eyeballs that can hold snacks for later.

I have decided.

No more judgements on women who tighten and tuck. No more silent shaming about their inability to accept themselves.

I had no fucking clue it would be this hard to get old and i haven’t even had a kid yet. I’m still waiting for that beautiful train wreck.

When the time comes I too will go to Thailand for some medical tourism.

I will ask for help when I need it.

I will age gracefully.

Just watch me.

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  1. corsakti says

    i’ve always considered myself a feminist and i still do. and i’m doing the eyelid thing. feminism is about making our own choices and hopefully not having to defend them…. too often its women themselves who judge women so harshly. btw – your skin goes to a new level of shit after kids. sorry to break that news.

  2. says

    Can we say we are ‘aging gracefully’ if we fix our body so it doesn’t appear to age? This isn’t all judgy, I really wish I had the answer. My haunch is no, not really. Michelle Pfeifer has had what must be a significant amount of work done, she’s lovely, but at 54, she is a grandmother age. She and I look *about* the same age though. There is no way in the world I’d say she has aged gracefully. I’ve had three kids now, at the ripe age of 32, and have three kids via adoption. I swore so help me God I would fix the wreck that is my body after these kids, and now, I wonder what I will hate more. My sagging breasts and stretched out belly and stomach muscles that will never ever close again. But now that I’ve got three daughters, I wonder what it teaches them if I have surgery to “fix” things. Would they be proud they have a “hot mom” who looks young? Would they take in the message that to age, to have a body that looks like it’s had kids is ugly and shameful and unattractive and unbearable? Would they take in the message that aging wasn’t good enough for me and we must stop it at all – literally- costs. — Honestly. I wrestle with this big time. Because I hate my breasts after nursing three kids. They are sad. But I honestly don’t know if I’d like myself any better if I were to pay to have them fixed. Because I’d know. I’d know they aren’t real. I’d know that money could have been used to help pay for life saving surgeries for women who really need it in the country from which we adopted. I really don’t know anymore. I used to be so sure.

    • says

      I really appreciate this comment. Truthfully, I don’t know if I even agree with the post I wrote. I think what it was for me was that I accepted that women get work done and I understand why now. Personally, I don’t think I will go under the knife although microdermabrasion looks tempting. I agree with you, How can you age gracefully if you don’t look like you are aging? Thank you for the insight and questions. I look forward to the honor of breastfeeding my kids and I know that they will pay a price and that price is having beautiful, healthy kids. I think for me, the post is more about finally understanding the other side of the coin on this argument and giving myself the choice. All the best to you and thank you for your wisdom, emelia

  3. says

    I just turned 50. I don’t love my breasts either. (But I sure love the way my two breast fed kids turned out. :) I think about this and then have to say “Really Joan? Are you going to sign a “you could die” agreement to have perkier breasts? For who? For what?” Ultimately, my answer is “no” because I love most of me enough to cover the parts that I’m going to have practice loving as I keep getter older. Fuck it. I’ve earned it.

  4. Vanessa says

    So, just the other day I was looking in the mirror, thinking, “hmmmm, botox couldn’t be that bad, could it???” Admittedly I have snickered at women who’s expressions never change and are obviously having botox treatments, I suppose for that snickering I deserve to know WHY they do it. Oh, yeah, I know why, cause I’d rather look blank than grouchy… With 4 kids, and being 40, I concur with those who have said, motherhood takes it’s toll, but it’s worth it. I’m just not sure how much to fight aging and whether it’s worth it or not, I should probably do some yoga and stop scowling to start off. :-)

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