I moved into a new neighborhood and the first thing I noticed was “holy hell people do not pick up their dog shit here”.
In my old ‘hood there were grannies on patrol ready to shoot if you didn’t pick it up before the poop hit the grass and now…it’s like what I imagine the apocalypse will be like. No one gives a rats dick (as my husband says) about their actions and the cultural norms that keep us in check are all broken. Mayhem.
I saw a dude watch his dog take a dump in a kids playground (with a bag attached to his leash) he then looked right at me and walked away. It was like he wanted me to freak the fuck out over the psychosis of his behavior.
So yes, I notice myself getting really uppity about all the dog shit. Like, what kind of hooligans want to live in this lawlessness? Every day, multiple times a day, I walk my dog and get filled with annoyance and tension, side stepping landmines (covered in mold, some are frozen, and one looks like it has fur on it).
And then…it gets worse.
On my street this morning I find human shit. Yes. I knew it was human shit for sure because he (I don’t know if a woman could produce that quantity) left 1 single napkin he wiped with beside it.
And I dry heave.
What is this world coming to? I rail.
The next time I see someone not pick up their dog’s shit, I’m going to jump on their back and gouge out their eyes!
And then I get an idea.
“What if, Emelia, what if you walked around with some extra doggy bags and you picked up the poop? It wouldn’t be that hard, you could hold your breath.”
“Then, your neighborhood would be clean and you would get to be smug and self-satisfied.”
“Imagine, caring enough about something to do something about it?”
As I walk I get more excited.
“You could even pick up the human shit, I mean somebody has to do it and all you’d need are rubber gloves, a shopping bag, nose plugs and a memory scanner to erase the experience from your mind.”
Yes, this is good. A new leaf.
“I’m going to do something about things that bother me instead of complaining. I’m going to be a good citizen.”
Well, after the epiphany ended I was so high with passion and drive I realized I don’t actually need to go ahead with the plan. Just imagining I could was good enough…
So now, I walk through the piles of shit with a happy heart, knowing that I can make a difference if I want to.
And I will.
Just not today.
Instead of doing my part to save the world I made performance art.
Here are some pictures I took of all the different poop on my street, and remember it’s not disgusting, it’s contemporary art.
…I warned you.