None of this makes us crazy

Some mornings I wake up feeling really grounded and by the afternoon I’m overwhelmed and wanna run for the hills in my flip flops and hide under the leaves.

This doesn’t make me crazy.

One night I’ll have a nightmare and wake up crying and this affects my productivity for the rest of the day.

This doesn’t make me crazy.

I sometimes use drugs, prescription medication, food, exercise and popular meditation techniques to try and regulate my moods.

This doesn’t make me crazy.

I’ll be driving the car and a thought will enter in and smash me into grief. I’ll cry and cry and cry from the sadness of it all.

This doesn’t make me crazy.

I would bet that every single day at multiple times my brain and my body have directly opposing opinions. And then my guts wins.

This doesn’t make me crazy.

There are situations where what I think happened and what you think happened are different, it’s like we live in different worlds. This doesn’t make either of us crazy.

There are times that I think I must be crazy, because my emotions take a toll on the people I love. They get tired of the flux and I think “I should be put on a high dose of something. This isn’t normal.”

But then when I talk about it I feel much better and I realize; it’s the not talking about it that was making me feel crazy.

Sometimes I wish I could regulate more. I wish I could be a nice calm rolling wave.

I try. I do. Every day.

But even when I end relationships, work hard, stop working hard, adventure to exotic places, and get a pet- my emotional life travels with me.

Sometimes it’s a messy load.

Maybe if you think of it as a metaphor, like the waxing cycle of the moon.

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Both constant and inconsistent.

Always transitioning perfectly.

Mysterious and necessary.

Hard to comprehend.

To put it simply, I cannot be contained.

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I understand that my waves are difficult to navigate.

But I think there’s something I can do to help you.

I can stop using the word crazy.

“I’m sorry I was acting crazy.”

“God, that woman is crazy.”

It’s an unspecific term anyway, like calling someone a “hipster,” a lazy use of obsolete language that means nothing anymore.

There are so many better words are out there to describe how we feel.

Deep.

Heartfelt.

Challenged.

Honest.

Human.

So, please, the next time you think, “oh here we go again…”

I promise you, it’s not crazy.

There’s so much more going on than that.

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