Fuck you “spiritual teacher”, you don’t know shit. A rant.

First off, if you call yourself a “spiritual teacher” you might not be one.

I was on the internet today and I came across a site I don’t care to endorse but let’s just say there was an article from a new-age “spiritual teacher” and from now on we are going to call her really pretty skinny lady. Really pretty skinny lady gave us a few “juicy tips” on how to get more publicity for our work and how to better brand ourselves and then offered up a “once in a lifetime” tele-seminar to give up the “full meal deal sesh” on how to really “amp up sales.”

Do you notice how many “quotations” I am using.

This is because everything she is saying is fucking bullshit.

Recap: This woman is telling me that because she is a “spiritual teacher” I should buy something from her and it will help me make more money and get more famous.

The emperor has no clothes.

emperors-new-clothes

The authentic spiritual teachers I have encountered in my life do not tell me that they are my teacher.

I can feel it.

They do not ask me for money.

I want to serve them.

They do not tell me what to do to become more like them.

They listen.

I was reading this article feeling more and more like shit about myself. This woman has 4 bestsellers out. This woman has a hot body. This woman is loaded.

What is wrong with me?

So of course, I think about buying her book…

And the dirty cycle of buy and try and buy and try continues with some really smart business people at the top making a shit load of money off some really sad folks at the bottom longing for life to be easier.

I am sick of it.

I am going to give this wave a name. Spiritual Capitalism.

The definition of Spiritual Capitalism is trying to make money off people’s longing for God. 

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And there are a lot of people involved.

Myself included.

I have been buying self-help since I was 12 years old. When the movie came out I knew that The Secret was the answer. I get on the bandwagon and I bang my pots and pans as loud as the rest of the tribe…and it’s just not working anymore.

I wrote a list of the top 10 most popular players and then I erased it because I do not want to give them any more power than they already have.

We’ll call one sexy yoga dude.

Another one is pretty skinny lady.

Then there is the weird channeling couple.

And loud talker football man…

and I even took an expensive course from one called rich soul seller.

Am I jealous of their success and fame? Maybe a little bit but mostly I get a sick feeling in the pit of stomach when I engage with their literature and CD’s and DVD’s and I am only now giving that sick feeling credit where credit is due.

It is a warning sign.

Everyone knows this feeling, like when you go to a yoga class and the teacher is spouting bullshit you know is not true for them, you can just feel it and it makes you angry and annoyed.

yoga teacher

Normally I try to push these feelings away because I am ashamed of myself.

“Don’t be so negative Em. Don’t be so judgmental Em. Open your heart Em.”

And this is exactly what all these spiritual capitalists are trying to teach me.

I am in some way deficient and they will help me become whole.

And I really want to believe them because it would be such an easy solution to imagine that if I think nice thoughts nice things will come to me. What a pretty package that is. I want to buy it.

The pretty skinny lady’s article says that when I am meditating in the morning I should visualize bags of money around myself…

money-bag

and imagine myself having a conversation with Ellen.

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This is what she did and look where she is now.

I can visualize yakking with Ellen till the cows come home and Ellen and I still will never meet. You know why?

Because I do not have that kind of power over the universe. I am not in control.

Even if I did meet Ellen one day, the next day my partner could get killed in a freak accident and no amount of imagining could stop it.

Fix that pretty skinny lady.

Help me understand grief and poverty and oppression and please don’t used the axiom “it’s all our own karma’ because that is a disrespectful misuse of the word. It is not your karma that got you on a best-seller list and a child in Sudan raped. It’s chaos (and capitalism) and we are all part of it and there is no easy sell that can help me manage my desperation and pain.

There is just breath. So far no one has figured out how to make money off that.

I want God to bitch slap this woman.

I think she is dangerous.

Because she is profiting off my fear and weakness and that is not teaching me anything new.

And don’t get me wrong, I am not normally this cynical. I am the woman at the front of the Kirtan swaying and crying with her arms raised. I love devoting myself to a teacher. I love to follow. I love to prostrate and pray.

But this smells like a stink and I am asking where is our critical analysis of the movement?

Let’s ask more questions.

Disturb some shit.

Be curious.

Wonder why?

Get annoyed.

Say no fucking way.

Let’s trust our gut.

Because we are smart.

We know what’s going on.

We gave these people the sceptre and we can take it away from them.

I’m tired of not wanting to hurt feelings or burn bridges.

Because the truth is- if pretty skinny lady and sexy yoga man and big loud dudes empires came crashing down, would they continue to do the work they so deeply believe in- for free?

Hells no.

They would start another business to make more money.

It’s all business.

Which leads me to the point.

I know a “spiritual leader” is full of shit when they talk about abundance a lot.

I do believe that the planet itself is abundant and generous with it’s resources.

But I do not believe that we should be convincing ourselves that there is “ plenty to go around” and  “money is just energy” and “everyone can be wealthy” and “you deserve it.”

That is called gluttony.

That is why we are in this motherfucking mess of a situation.

They speak about “abundance” and “harnessing your personal potential” and “your dreams coming true” and I don’t think it is real or possible.

It is not a “frame of mind” I need to change. I am not “low vibration” for not believing.  The shame tactics these self-proclaimed spiritual teachers employ to make me feel bad about myself are about to get beamed with white-hot light.

We cannot all be wealthy.

There is not enough to go around anymore.

We need to learn to do with less.

We need to learn to share and cooperate.

Money is not the answer.

Getting famous is not the answer.

These “spiritual teachers” are hurting the earth by propagating a lie that keeps them in crystals.

What if we shifted our perspective a bit.

I don’t need to be rich to be happy.

I need to have my basic needs met.

I need to experience loving and being loved.

I will do what I’m called to do, whether I get paid for it or not.

I want to learn how to be happy in my life even if I never make enough money and I live in cramped social housing.

Instead of “visualizing bags of money” I want to be simply grateful for groceries.

I think the world is going to come crashing down.

I think that the planet will change as we know it- forever.

I don’t know when this will happen but the one part of the bible that I understand is when it says “the meek shall inherit the earth” because the meek are the ones who have known how to live here with grace and reverence and humility all along.

Enlightened

Thanks for letting me rant.

Now I’m going to go watch some u-tubes on how to get more hits on my website.

unleashthe power