My staycation (told in gifs and pics) is gonna make you so jelly.

I hit the wall.

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This may come as a surprise to some, as I have 2 kids and 3 jobs, that it took so long…

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But a week ago I hit it.

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I shut my bedroom door and I sat on the corner my bed.roking

while my boys were distracting me…trying to decide what to do.

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And I heard “Get away from here.”

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From…

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and…

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and all the fucking…

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And the face smacking and leg biting and nipple pinching and needing. 

I need 12, no 24 hours of silence.

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But carving out this time feels…

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 So I did what I always do when I have an important decision to make.

I asked facebook “how do I find the cheapest, best 4-star hotel with a hot-tub (*must) and Cable TV within 12 hours?” And the answers came pouring in.

I’m not going to highlight all the websites that cater to instant get-a-ways but there are a lot and I was quickly overwhelmed.

I didn’t have the brain power to sift through all the best, closest, easiest, one-room left, act-now options.

 In fact, now I was worse off than before I had the image of lying naked spread -eagled on a California king sized bed covered in Doritos watching Love it or List it. (*I couldn’t  find a pic for that.)

 And then I got to thinking that we don’t really have the $ for it and it’s a waste, and why do I get one but my partner doesn’t? and within an hour I was so totally overwhelmed with the idea of a Staycation at all that I gave up on the idea completely.

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So this is what I did instead.

My hubs took the kids for the day.

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I scrubbed the toilet. I was doing it because I wanted to, not because I was dying from the smell of human shit, I really liked getting into those nooks and crannies. And I vacuumed all the shit off the floor so the room felt spacious.

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It was spiritual a cleansing of sorts.

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And I had a bath *(technically it was a hot tub)

that may have looked more like this:

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 and I bought snacks and I lay on my bed in my jammers…

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which may have looked more like this…

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Then I put new sheets on my bed and I opened…

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…and  I locked the bedroom door (even though no one was home), downloaded the memoir by Gene Wilder and I cuddled up in my clean ass sheets and I read.gene 

I read till my eyes closed and I fell asleep.
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From start to finish, this Staycation took a total of about 6 hours (and if I was a single mom it would have cost me under $100 and that’s what visa’s are for.)

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I had backed away from the wall (do you get my genius pop culture joke here?)

450$ on a hotel in a city you already live in is not possible for some. Getting the dexterity together to make a phone call to ask about said hotel might even be less of an option

But my crap-ass homemade cookies staycation worked.

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I didn’t get to lie spread-eagled on a California King (don’t bother googling this image) but I got…

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and…

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And that’s all I really needed in the first place.

 

 

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