I just made this video about…well watch it below.
And I believed what I said theoretically (that sometimes No means Yes) but then I got handed a shit pile of my own medicine.
I was fired. From my dream job. From what I think I’m the best in the world at.
Oh man you should have heard me wail, like a dying blubbering dog. I’d just finished a show and my husband and best friend were with me in the dressing room when I got the news and I howled. The technicians couldn’t make eye contact with me. I was gonzo.
How is this possible? This is what I thought I was supposed to be doing. My gift to the world. Having live meaningful, deep conversations every single night. It lit me up. How could that possibly be taken from me?
They said it was budgetary but I knew it was more than that. I said vagina too much on air. I was controversial. I had an incredibly complex conversation about rape. All good stuff. All important conversations. But I was becoming a liability.
So it was incredibly ironic to me that a few days before I had made this video called No means Yes and now I was eating my words.
It’s been a week. I’ve calmed down. I might still work there once a week. I see possibility. I was doing a job that 4 people should have been doing for the cost of 1/2 a person. Now I have time to pitch things to big places. I get to consider other creative options that I’ve been pushing away due to not enough time.
We’ll make rent. We always do. And I cannot be contained. I absolutely cannot be restricted creatively or politically. It’s not an option for me. So, I’ll figure out how to podcast and say vagina as much as I want to.
So, I’m here to say. I agree with myself. I just went through it and I’m right…sometimes a No is a big fucking Yes.