You begin with a hello. Cheerio. Greetings. I usually say Hey Pal. To the dopes who jump full speed into their request or point of conversation- think of the greeting like foreplay, soften me up a bit before you try to ram it in. Much thanks. Next you might ask a question. This is fine. I like questions. They make me feel important. So I answer your question. I put time and effort into thinking about creative solutions to your need. I stop and re-read your request and then I get even more specific with my ideas. I give you the gift of my time and there’s nothing more precious than that. Now you write me back within two days. If you can’t write me back within two days you write to tell me that you can’t write me back right away, but you will be writing back soon. When you do write me back (which you will) please thank me for taking the time to answer your question. Tel me that you appreciate me. Say thank you in three different ways. If you are really cool, you send me a picture of something cute. To the dopes who don’t write me back to say thank you. I know who you are and you are never getting anything from me ever again. You have been severed from my compassionate heart. You are cut off. You are insolent and rude and your centrality is burned into my brain forever. You know who you are and so do I. Next, you ask me something about myself “How’s the book going?” or “How’s the kids” or “It’s getting dark early now hey?” You feign interest in my personal life so we can pretend you aren’t just emailing me to ask for a favour. You…
We all remember The Secret. I got deep into that shit. The idea of manifesting your dreams and creating your own reality is fucking awesome; and in my experience, it sometimes it works; I did rituals by the ocean when I was longing for a mate. I wrote the traits I wanted him to have on a piece of paper and placed it under my mattress for a year- and then I met my husband. I believe in miracles. I think our thoughts are powerful and the universe is listening and there is truth to “if you want it, it will come. Until it doesn’t. People who’ve experienced great loss know that life isn’t always this clean and it’s actually dangerous to think it is; because then you are shutting down the critical, intuitive side of your brain and you become sheep. I was on the book of faces recently and a friend posted this: “Use whatever excuse you can to vibrate in harmony with those things you’ve been saying you want. And when you do, those things that are a vibrational equivalent flow into your experience in abundance. Not because you deserve it, not because you’ve earned it, but because it’s the natural consequence of the Law of Attraction. That which is like unto itself is drawn.” This was spoken by the famous entity “Abraham,” who was channeled through Jerry Hicks and then translated by his wife Ester Hicks. These people were the beginning of The Secret movement and wrote the bestseller The Law of Attraction along with many others. Abraham says that we attract what we think about. So, simplified this means that if we think of a gold house, we will manifest it and if we think of cancer, we’ll get that too. They also say it’s an…
I travelled across North America to assist at a yoga festival. I thought it would inspire. Instead I found myself crying in an outdoor port-a-potty like a teenage girl at a rave…Why is it that sometimes when I do yoga, or teach yoga or are around yogi’s I feel like a super bag of shit? CLICK HERE for the whole nightmarish story. The comments and opinions after my Recovering Yogi article make a great read all on their own…talk about social acupuncture. Like it? Share it!
I was feeling really down yesterday.
“I don’t make enough money.”
“I work too hard.”
“I’m not appreciated for what I do.”
“No one cares.”
“I should just quit.”
I was throwing myself a real fucking pity party, and of course I found myself squished down the rabbit hole of the internet and emerged out onto a website that blew me away…
First off, if you call yourself a “spiritual teacher” you might not be one.
I was on the internet today and I came across a site I don’t care to endorse but let’s just say there was a article from a new-age “spiritual teacher” and from now on we are going to call her really pretty skinny lady. Really pretty skinny lady gave us a few “juicy tips” on how to get more publicity for our work and how to better brand ourselves and then offered up a “once in a lifetime” tele-seminar to give up the “full meal deal sesh” on how to really “amp up sales.”
Do you notice how many “quotations” I am using.
This is because everything she is saying is fucking bullshit.
Recap: This woman is telling me that because she is a “spiritual teacher” I should buy something from her and it will help me make more money and get more famous.
The emperor has no clothes.
…and I can say this because I am one. Not just a yogi, but also a yoga teacher with two certificates under my belt. You can call me the average Jane of Yoga, you can call me very generally entrenched in the community. I teach workshops, I fly to far away places to study with the teachers that inspire me. I have a strong home practice- although I have not gone so far as to get an Om tattoo. I feel incredibly disconnected to the world and my own heart most of the time and this is why I practice yoga. I stopped going to public classes because I found they only enhanced my disconnected feeling. I would enter the room; start competing for the extra inch of space between my mat and hers. I would sneak looks at the ass in Down Dog in front of me and notice happily it was chubbier than mine. I would see the woman in the full Lululemon uniform and prickle with judgment. What kind of person thinks that is yoga? How dare she glide in to this spiritual space and flaunt her eating disorder for all to see. I wish I could get an eating disorder. And only when I was going to two back-to-back advanced Anusara classes a day, feeling like a fucking rock star did I decide to cancel my membership and opt for the lame-o home practice where my sweat glands decide to sleep in and I may pause to check my emails half way through the shortened practice. But at least I am only feeling the poison towards myself. At least I am not leaching this negative energy on all the exercise bunnies in the room. This is what I am talking about, and I know I am…