1.When you wake up, after you do your “have to’s “kids to school, face washed, peed etc) before email, putting on pants or one quick facebook browse, get on the floor and move your body for 20 minutes. Set a timer. Yoga, stretching, rolling around, masturbate for all I care, just move your damn body before you do anything else (this one is the hardest for me.) 2. Every single day lie in bed, preferably alone, with your hands placed over your sternum, your eyes closed and breathe deeply for 15 min. (I do this as soon as I get home after work and I lock the door so the kids can’t come in). I also have a favourite stone I put on my chest as I like the weight. 3. Always wear once piece of jewellery you love. I’ve always got my gold studs in and a bracelet I never take off. If you are a man- watches and shoes and sunglasses count too. 4. Every night before bed put oil on your hands, hold your palms to your face and inhale three deep breaths. My favourites are Jurlique, Tata Harper or Rose Oil. The importance is the smell. You must find it intoxicating. 5. Once every 2-3 months go out for dinner with your closest friends. You can’t afford it, you say? Well if you put a loonie (that’s a dollar bill in Canadian) in a jar once a day, you’ve got 60$ bucks right there. If it’s every 3 months then you’ve got babysitting covered too. We saved up all our $1 and 2$ in a jar for 6 months and had enough for 2 plane tickets to Europe. 6. For your birthday or Christmas present tell everyone that you want a Gift Certificate to a certain…
For us to rise, you must fall. It’s the natural order of our system, to keep in balance, on the teeter-totter of the world. And you won’t want to. Because things will be different. And that’s really scary. But we promise you we will not hurt you. We will not rape you. We will not punish you. We want to walk beside you as we are, equals. So to do this, you must first hear us speak. We are here to rise into the fullness of our human potential which has been kept down for hundreds (could it be thousands?) of years by a patriarchal system that promotes capitalism and individuality. And we are here to change that. We want balance back. We want equality for all genders, races and alternative orientations. We want to celebrate our incredible diversity. And most of all, we want all people fed, educated and protected. We are here to be thankful. And we want to love. And rise to a higher way of being in relationship with each other and the earth. But for this to happen, you need to bend down on one knee and take our foot in your hand and hoist us over the fence you built. We’ve tried to climb it and and tear it down and ignore it but we are done now. You need to set us free. And this is the craziest part. When you do, bend down and help us jump up over the fence, you’ll be able to see the thumb that you as well have been under this whole time. You as well will know what absolute freedom feels like. We are the same. You and I. We expect the same from you as you expect from us. And right now the time is…
I just made this video about…well watch it below. And I believed what I said theoretically (that sometimes No means Yes) but then I got handed a shit pile of my own medicine. I was fired. From my dream job. From what I think I’m the best in the world at. Oh man you should have heard me wail, like a dying blubbering dog. I’d just finished a show and my husband and best friend were with me in the dressing room when I got the news and I howled. The technicians couldn’t make eye contact with me. I was gonzo. How is this possible? This is what I thought I was supposed to be doing. My gift to the world. Having live meaningful, deep conversations every single night. It lit me up. How could that possibly be taken from me? They said it was budgetary but I knew it was more than that. I said vagina too much on air. I was controversial. I had a 65-year-old woman on who said pussy six times in a row and I “forgot” to tell my board op to bleep it. I had an incredibly complex conversation about rape. All good stuff. All important conversations. But I was becoming a liability. So it was incredibly ironic to me that a few days before I had made this video called No means Yes and now I was eating my words. It’s been a week. I’ve calmed down. I might still work there once a week. I see possibility. I was doing a job that 4 people should have been doing for the cost of 1/2 a person. Now I have time to pitch things to big places. I get to consider other creative options that I’ve been pushing away due to not enough time.…
I thought it was going to get easier. I thought that if I put in years of hard work, I’d rise in status and stability. I thought if I was doing what I knew was my gift to the world, I’d be rewarded with more, more, more. That’s what’s supposed to happen right? Who told you that? I can’t remember. Standing behind the curtain as I waited to go on I had a little cry. Only 12 people showed up tonight. 4 of them were volunteers. You’re an asshole you know that right? You get clapped for- for a living. The nurse who saves lives doesn’t get bright lights. I know, I know. But isn’t it supposed to go like this…you work, you try, you struggle, you succeed and then like that graph at the financial advisors office if you hold out long enough, something miraculous happens. Who told you that? I don’t know. I don’t think Amy Schumer has to work this hard. I don’t care if it’s 12 or 1200 or 1; it’s your job to get out there and give them your cracked-up heart. But I’m tired and alone, getting old and wearing saggy spanx. They are waiting. All 12 of them. Do you know how lucky you are to know what makes you whole? Do your work. Go. Give it to them. Now. So I step out from behind the curtain. And like every other time, I take a quick breath in and my head bows. I’m utterly gutted. Why do you always forget this? Because it’s the other way around of course. This is their gift to me.
Don’t take up so much space.
You are a bit too big for your britches.
She thinks a little too highly of herself.
You should learn a thing or too about humility.
Stop talking so much.
Why must you be the centre of attention?
Do less. Be less.
You have to be careful of those voices friend.
I have nothing to say about this except 1 thought. 1 take. No filters. In my bed desk. My output is way out of wack with my input. Once you’ve heard me speak truth to power from my bed. Watch the video below of trying to follow my own advice. Love all to you no-stop outputters out there. xo Em
I think my baby is dead.
I think I will never work again.
I think I am not supported.
I think my neighbors are dicks.
To All The Men, The first thing we want to say to all the men out there is that we love you. We’re not blaming you or attacking you. We have the best men surrounding us, brothers, best friends, men who have fathered our children and taught us more than anyone else has. We feel safe and respected and taken care of by you. And because of this we’re going to ask you to listen to us. You’ve heard it all before, we know, but this is a plea. Recently a woman in our city was raped and tortured in her own home by a stranger. And our first thought is how can this happen? Seriously! How. Can. This. Happen? Because we’re surrounded by such good men we don’t understand why women are getting raped and attacked and abused? We don’t get it? Who are these motherfuckers? Where are they hiding? We’re not safe. And we get angry with you when this shit happens because we want you to be angry too, so angry that you are willing to go to war for us. And we know you want to help but you don’t know what to do and we’re thankful for that but we need more because we can’t seem to stop the violence our own. We’ve been through so many waves of fighting for feminism (feminism meaning women and men deserve equal rights). We’ve been angry feminists, righteous feminists, neo-feminists, stay-at-home feminists, incredulous feminists, anti- feminists and now we are moving into the heartsick feminist phase. We’re asking you to take this on as your fight too because we’re not scared of men but we are scared of male violence. Here’s what you can do: 1. When a man is commenting (good or bad) about a woman’s body tell…
It didn’t start off as my dream job. It started off as a low paying trial run to see if people liked what I did. So first off, thank you. I’d freelanced in radio on CBC for a decade but I’d never hosted and produced my very own show so it was a big leap and I was so terrified I got physically sick. I couldn’t sleep. I remember my husband driving me to my first day and I stopped being able to see. I started crying “I can’t see straight, how can I read the computer?” I contemplated asking him to take me to the emergency room, as an excuse to not show up. That’s how scared I was. So I decided to start at the simplest place. I would ask my radio hero Bill Richardson to teach me how to be a radio host- live. I didn’t have to pretend I didn’t know what I was doing. I could cop to it (which is also owning it) which is a far less terrifying place to be. “Good evening, I’m Emelia Symington Fedy and I have no idea what I’m doing here so I’ve brought on my radio guru to show me how to do my job…right now. So cuddle up and listen in to Bill Richardson on the very first ever Trying to be Good radio show…“ And it went well. And my nervousness and complete candour was probably a little endearing. So then I thought “To be useful to others, I can only ask questions about what most fascinates and drives me.” My mother had died just a few years earlier and she was always on my mind. Her best friend had also recently died and so I contacted her son. I used to be his camp counsellor and…
One of my most favourite things to talk about is the “optics of success” and how we tend to see, and be shown only certain parts of people. We see their successes and impresses, less so their distress (alliteration baby). And this little “know-it-all”‘ thought she had it down pretty good…being fully herself publically- until it hit me. I’m still playing the mutha effin’ game, just in a more sneaky way. I’m showing you my badassery, but it’s still only an “optic” of myself. So I’m gonna try, to really try this year to remove all filters. Less edits. Less worry. Less questions. Less trying to be fascinating. Less trying to reach more people. Less trying to succeed. Less planning and scheming. Less trying to be good (although that’s an ironic title) I still try so fucking hard. I do this I suppose, because, like yoga teachers hate their bodies and therapists are all crazy, I’m fascinated with the “mask” we wear to be loved. And I think my job is to take mine off, which will hopefully interest you in taking yours off and then our ugly mugs can just get down in it together. Who’s in?