I think the baby growing inside me is dead.
I think I will never work again.
I think my husband is a homo because he is such a snazzy dresser.
I think I am poor.
I think I am not supported.
I think my mother is dying.
I think my neighbors hate me.
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I can feel it kicking.
I have been doing what I love for 15 years.
He told me it would be more likely he will cheat on me with the 16 year old babysitter.
I have affordable and reliable 2 bedroom, 2 level, no rodent, clean and quiet housing.
I have lots of friends, family and a dog that would totally bawl their eyes out and maybe even beat their chests if I died.
I get to spend time with her and prepare for it rather than be blindsided.
Fuck my neighbors.
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You are not only what you think you are.
The universe is so much smarter than that.
Your life is so much grander and gorgeous and blessed than the shit inside your head.
Uncomfortable as it is, I know, you better learn to accept all this beauty because it’s going to keep coming for you.
You might as well try to feel the warmth.
But I’m used to difficult. I know how to feel pain.
Isn’t it funny how the most challenging thing really is to figure out how to hold all the light.
It’s almost to heavy to bear.
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Because even with the pushing and flailing and arguing and commiserating…it keeps being better than good.
I expect the worst and I keep getting the best.
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God keeps proving me wrong.
How annoyingly incredible is that?
;
;
“how to hold all the light.”
-Amen
Thank you for this. I’ve been reading your blog like crazy since discovering it 2 days ago… And you have really taught me – among many things – to be *grateful*. Favorite line: “You are not only what you think you are. The universe is so much smarter than that. Your life is so much grander and gorgeous and blessed than the shit inside your head”. WIth your permission, I’d like to turn that into an ecard – with proper attribution of course
use my quotes away. Maybe use the title Tryingtobegood.com as the writing credit. Thanks and love to you!
take it away. so glad you liked it.
He is a snazzy dresser!!
so lovely! ( but just because I’m a dick……the babysitter could be a young man….) xoxo
Hehe. I never thought about that…
Thank you for this! I’ve been getting the best lately too. It’s a bit bewildering, but I’m determined to enjoy every minute of it that I can.
So glad to hear it!! Ride it as long as you can…
Good one! I love the last line!!
Blessings to you
lovely Em – you capture something so universal to all of us living in a part of the world that is quite and privileged – it’s easy for us to forget what most of the world experiences day to day – there are those amidst the chaos, cruelty, villiany and cycnism who find the light daily – now if that’s isn’t amazing I truly don’t know what is!